It’s Not All About Me… Really!!??, September 2012

40-QueenLast May I set an intention that I would take action more from my authentic self than from the “character” I hide behind. Well, no surprise, the Universe has risen to the occasion and brought me several experiences to challenge that intention. (I wrote about learning to be vulnerable a couple of months ago, as one example.) For 21 days I paid close attention to what my body was telling me and the emotions it disposed me to during those days. What I discovered is that I spend entirely too much time (my assessment) in assessing what others are assessing about me. Oh my! (If you aren’t familiar with the term “assessments” substitute judgments or assumptions.)

My question all summer is: How can I stop this action and replace it with another? My authentic self knows it doesn’t need the approval of others and it knows I am enough… good enough… have enough… serve enough.

Okay, that is one belief that serves and if I can call on that belief when I start my assessing, it will serve to let that critical voice go. But, uhhh, I have made the “assessing of what others assess of me” a practice for a lot of years. So, yes, I agree, it will take me awhile to form a new habit. Declarations will help… I wrote about how declarations can serve us back in January. Mine is: For the sake of living in my authentic self I am letting go of judgmental thoughts as they enter my consciousness. I was discussing my dilemma with a coach friend and he asked me what I did in my meditation practice when thoughts came in. I shared I just let them go. Well, duh, could it be that easy? I’m working on it…

I remember after my divorce in 1999, that I was sharing with a counselor about how I always analyzed what men were thinking about me as they took the actions they did. He said a surprising thing: It’s not about you; it’s all about them. In other words, most men in my life… or those who would be in my life… were not taking actions with me because of a judgment they had about me; they took actions because of what they felt or thought… maybe even what they thought I was assessing about them. (It could drive one crazy trying to figure this out!!??)

My lesson is that every time I think someone is making an assessment about me… the truth is that person may not even be thinking about me (much less judging me) as they are much more likely to be thinking about themselves in relationship to me or someone else.

So, as of now, I’m adding a declaration that I know will serve: For the sake of living in my authentic self I am remembering it is all about each of us. (Definitely not just all about me!!

I would love to know about your experiences or questions. If you would like to share, please email me: Carol@YourLifeFromHere.com.

“We are feeling creatures that think, versus thinking creatures that feel.” – Jill Bolte Taylor

3 Things to Do When Someone Close to You Crashes

maddieThe tiny bird in Maddie’s hands crashed headlong into our window and landed on the redwood bench. My beautiful granddaughter knew just what to do:

Acknowledge what has happened: Maddie didn’t cry out: How could this have happened? Why were you not watching where you are going? She thought said to herself: Oops, the bird crashed… with no judgment for the bird or the window.

Take immediate action to offer support while honoring the dignity of the other. The bird was stunned and lying on the bench. Maddie couldn’t ask permission to help or she would have. She realized that there was a way to support by keeping the bird safe from other animals and also keeping it warm on this cool rainy day in the mountains. She gently wrapped it in a towel and stood guard.

Allow choice in when to fly again. As the bird began to stir, Maddie held it gently until it chose to fly away. She allowed the bird to make that choice. She did not encourage it to be cared for any longer than it chose believing the bird knew what was best for it.

Coaching is about honoring the dignity of the client. This little summer event reminded me of that tenet of coaching. I am not about fixing or rescuing. I believe the answers are within each of us most of the time. * At times we have a challenge or an opportunity where we can be supported by someone acknowledging whatever has happened or might happen in the future without judgment. We may want someone to support us as we move ahead, but it does not serve to have that person tell us what to do or make a choice for us. Respecting the dignity of each client allows that person to make the best choice, as only he knows the best timing for when to fly again.

Whether you are a coach or not, I have learned that it serves to be coach-like these ways with my family and friends. It is the way I desire to be treated as well as Maddie’s little friend.

*Note: I am not referring to someone who needs therapy for something beyond his or her control. If I believe therapy would serve, I ask if the person has considered it and explain the difference in therapy and coaching.

When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.
–Maya Angelou

 

I would love for you to share your thoughts on supporting. Email me: CHFcoach@me.com

Want to know more about how I use shifting energies in my coaching and in my life? Go to my website and read some of the articles and/or consider reading my book: 5 Life Energies: The Choice You Have in How Energy Shapes Your Life © 2009. It is available at www.5LifeEnergies.com or on http://www.Amazon.com.

 

Change Your Story by Shifting the Emotion, July 2015

24-Eisen GlassI had an amazing experience at The Ultimate Alba Emoting Conference in Ashville NC in late June. The conference involved learning to express six pure emotions by shifting breathing patterns, facial muscles, and body disposition… without a story. It’s really true that one can learn this method developed by Susanna Bloch a scientist from from Chile. Visit www.BreathXpress.com to learn more from Laura Bond who teaches Alba Emoting in the US.

Close to the end of the training, the coaches who attended gathered together for a special experience. I learned something by telling an old story using different emotions. I found still another way that shifting one’s energy will shift the story!

First, we each told a story about a challenging event using the filter of emotions that we used for remembering this story. Yes, emotions are a big part of a memory! I shared a story and afterwards named the emotions that I felt. The other coaches shared how I expressed these emotions. In this story, I shared the emotions of big surprise, a little fear, and deep sadness. Fear and Sadness are pure emotions and Surprise is Fear at a lower intensity.

Then we were instructed to bring an emotion to the story that might serve us in feeling better, stronger, happier… whatever was missing in the story. I chose the pure emotion of ANGER for my second version. That was an emotion I did not experience when the story took place. We discussed how the story changed. While telling the story, the facilitator supported me in holding onto the energy of Pure Anger whenever I began to fall back into Sadness or Fear. My story changed and different details were remembered. In my case, I expressed Anger at several others who witnessed the story as well as Anger at my behavior within the story. After the 2nd telling, I shared another emotion that appeared for me: Relief… a lower intensity of Happiness.

We were finally asked to tell the story a third time through a Pure Emotion that, at first, didn’t seem to fit the story in any way.  It was a challenge to choose this emotion. I went over the top and chose Desire*, which could be for a quality or anything a person wants but doesn’t have in that moment. Desire appeared to be far away from this story. The other person had actually expressed a great amount of Anger towards me… not ever my desire to feel! I was amazed at how my story changed as the story was told. At first, I had to struggle to hold onto the breathing and posture patterns of this emotion. Then I experienced a lightening of the story as I added details of what I wanted from the other person. Then rather quickly I could feel the Desire from the other person and observed myself in a different way. He may have been feeling a desire of a trait I have that he did not have at that time. His anger may have represented anger at himself even though it appeared to be directed at me. Oh my, Desire had allowed me to be the observer of the story instead of the victim. It allowed me to even consider the desire in the other person that led to a different motive for his behavior. In that moment a very different emotion appeared for me… Forgiveness. (Forgiveness is found at least partially in the Pure Emotion of Happiness.)

A key component of ontological coaching is supporting clients in becoming the observer of themselves as well as anyone else involved in a story.  I now have a tool (and so do you) for shifting a story by filtering it with different emotions. When one does this, the storyteller shifts into the Observer of the story rather than being a victim within the story. The possibilities are amazing!

*Note: US Alba Emoting teachers use Sensuality as the name for this Pure Emotion. It is defined as desire for anything or anyone… smile! I didn’t want you to think I meant sexual desire in my story.

I would love for you to share your thoughts on shifting your energy to shift your emotions and thoughts. Email me: CHFcoach@me.com

Body-Emotion-Language in Action, June 2015

ACTO PhotoThe Association of Coach Training Organizations (ACTO) held our annual conference in May and I was chosen to present! My coach school, Newfield Network, contracts with me to be their representative to ACTO. I am so grateful for the opportunity to network with leaders of coaching schools from all over the world. The presentations each year are mainly representatives from various schools sharing what/how we teach something within our school. My presentation was chosen this year so I could share what we know about shifting our energy. I am thrilled by the reception of the participants to these ideas and humbled by those who have reached to me to know more.

Here is some of what I shared:

In coaching… just like in life, the presence felt by the other makes all the difference in what happens in the conversation.  I designed a presentation that allowed all the participants to shift among major body dispositions (what I call 5 Life Energies, as you know). They paired off and coached each other playing with this idea.  I used different music segments to support an easy shift from being more OPEN to being more FLEXIBLE to being more RESOLUTE or STABLE. Participants experienced the shift within their body, then in the emotions they felt that influenced the thoughts they had, thus the language they used. This was true whether they were asking the coach for support with a challenge or opportunity or they were in the role of the coach.I could actually feel the energy in the room shift as music was played; the participants moved or danced and then coached each other.

After we all moved with the OPENNESS music, the room filled with the energy of people openly receiving each other. I saw the partners step closer to each other. Some smiled, others had a few tears, and there were hugs exchanged during the coaching. The room felt so welcoming and peaceful.

FLEXIBILITY music shifted the energy to lightness, random movements, laughter, and new possibilities. One participant later shared that her coach had her pretending to fly around as the lead goose in formation. Her challenge was to be open to build a team of people to support her growing business. She shared that she shifted to being excited with the possibility of building a team.
When the room shifted to RESOLUTION I felt and heard more focused action-based conversations. There was an I can do this mood in the room.

STABILITY music slowed down the movement and the conversations became deeper. That energy allowed for a groundedness, a knowing of what was true for the client and what could be offered by the coach.

CENTER music was played between each shift to allow the participants to let go of the presence they had held so they could more purely shift into another energy.

I was once again affirmed at how shifting one’s energy by shifting the body also shifts the emotions and language. Underlying all this is the idea that we have choice in how our presence is affecting our own emotions and thoughts and those with whom we are engaging. I so wish you had been there!!

I would love for you to share your thoughts on shifting your energy to shift your emotions and thoughts. Email me: CHFcoach@me.com

“We are more like flickering flames than hunks of meat.” –Candace Pert

Food Insensitivities and Life Energies… 5 Years Later, May 2015

pizzaWhat do you do when you get a diagnosis of food insensitivities and your diet has to be changed in a big way? I was diagnosed with some severe food insensitivities several years ago and a big change in diet began. The most important and difficult change was giving up wheat and many other grains. I enjoy challenges, and the Universe does provide! Looking back at this crisis after five years, I marvel at how using the body dispositions… the flow of our life energies… supported me in shifting my emotions and my thoughts. Here is what I wrote in 2010 as I used each Life Energy to support acceptance of a new way of eating. It is now an engrained (pun intended) habit for me today but the support of what I first learned from Newfield helped me through the breakdown. Using the idea of shifting my body disposition serves me every day no matter whether I’m coaching, eating, or living through a breakdown!

Two hours in the health food store reading all the labels led me to understand that cooking fresh foods was the best way to stay clear of most of the “no” list of foods. When I read the list and other information I realized that I part of my insensitivities had developed from ingesting some of the same foods every day. Thinking I was eating healthy foods, I had been adding blueberries to my morning protein shake, spinach was added to my scrambled eggs and the same nuts were in my snack every afternoon. Wrong… eating these same foods every day actually created my insensitivity. My nutritionist says I should be able to slowly add some of them back into my diet in about six months and then only on a four-day rotation diet. But the biggest challenge is ensuring that I don’t consume wheat, rye, bran as well as anything containing gluten.

Since I coach my clients using my experience of shifting the flow of their life energy to better serve themselves and those around them, I thought it might serve me well to play with each one and see how each one would serve me in making this huge adjustment. Here is what I wrote five years ago…

Center Energy: Bringing my energy to a centered place leads me to a mood of acceptance of what is… just as it is in this very moment. Let me go there… oooohhhhhhmmmmm. Yes, I can accept that this change in my diet is what it is to be. I trust my nutritionist and he assures me that this will support my body’s ability to eliminate toxins that are allowing inflammation to build and cause long-lasting infections. Just being in acceptance around this supports my desire to be observant of what I eat.

Earth Energy: Grounding my energy by letting it connect me to a place deep in the earth where I can then draw more energy back into my body supports me in increasing the energy I desire for healing as well as for the extra time for meal preparation. Earth Energy also connects me to a place of knowing… knowing my truth about how I wish to care for the body I have been given. It takes me to my wisdom around how to be in this world.

Fire Energy: Shifting my energy to a forward and up flow moves me into action. It supports me in focusing on the goal of optimizing my health. It allows me to make choices for my meals and to plan ahead to have the ingredients needed on hand or in choosing meals in a restaurant.

Water Energy: Allowing my energy to “go with the flow” of these changes is supported by shifting the direction of my life energy to back and down. I can more easily accept what my nutritionist has told me and accept the information in the books and articles I’m reading as I learn more about what is happening because of my American diet. My body is served by my acceptance of what has happened and the advice I’m receiving.

Air Energy: When my life energy flows up and back I move into a mood of curiosity, even wonder. It allows me to say, “I wonder what changes will occur in my body if I follow these eating guidelines?” “I wonder if I can locate some new recipes that I will love?” “I wonder how I will feel after a few months of these changes?” When I move into curiosity, I’m allowing new thoughts to be considered and I’m allowing my emotions to shift to ones that better support my intentions.

As I wrote these five paragraphs about the life energies, I shifted my flow into the direction of each one. Each distinct flow supported a shift in my thoughts and my emotions as expressed in each paragraph. In my book: 5 Life Energies: The Choice You Have in How Energy Shapes Your Life, © 2009, I provide an explanation of the scientific research on how our life energy is flowing actually shapes our thoughts, emotions, and especially the way we hold our bodies. I provide practices and stories from my clients and my life to support understanding of how this works. Shifting our energy flow supports us in how we connect with everyone and everything that happens in our life.

2015 Note: I have been gluten free for five years and the difference it has made in my body and my life is significant. Making a different choice as others eat the wheat crust pizza or cake seems so easy now. What serves me more is the habit of easily shifting my life energy flow to better serve myself and those around me… well, most of the time… it is a choice!

I would love for you to share your thoughts on shifting your energy to shift your emotions and thoughts. Email me: CHFcoach@me.com .

“Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you who you are.” –Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin