Last May I set an intention that I would take action more from my authentic self than from the “character” I hide behind. Well, no surprise, the Universe has risen to the occasion and brought me several experiences to challenge that intention. (I wrote about learning to be vulnerable a couple of months ago, as one example.) For 21 days I paid close attention to what my body was telling me and the emotions it disposed me to during those days. What I discovered is that I spend entirely too much time (my assessment) in assessing what others are assessing about me. Oh my! (If you aren’t familiar with the term “assessments” substitute judgments or assumptions.)

My question all summer is: How can I stop this action and replace it with another? My authentic self knows it doesn’t need the approval of others and it knows I am enough… good enough… have enough… serve enough.

Okay, that is one belief that serves and if I can call on that belief when I start my assessing, it will serve to let that critical voice go. But, uhhh, I have made the “assessing of what others assess of me” a practice for a lot of years. So, yes, I agree, it will take me awhile to form a new habit. Declarations will help… I wrote about how declarations can serve us back in January. Mine is: For the sake of living in my authentic self I am letting go of judgmental thoughts as they enter my consciousness. I was discussing my dilemma with a coach friend and he asked me what I did in my meditation practice when thoughts came in. I shared I just let them go. Well, duh, could it be that easy? I’m working on it…

I remember after my divorce in 1999, that I was sharing with a counselor about how I always analyzed what men were thinking about me as they took the actions they did. He said a surprising thing: It’s not about you; it’s all about them. In other words, most men in my life… or those who would be in my life… were not taking actions with me because of a judgment they had about me; they took actions because of what they felt or thought… maybe even what they thought I was assessing about them. (It could drive one crazy trying to figure this out!!??)

My lesson is that every time I think someone is making an assessment about me… the truth is that person may not even be thinking about me (much less judging me) as they are much more likely to be thinking about themselves in relationship to me or someone else.

So, as of now, I’m adding a declaration that I know will serve: For the sake of living in my authentic self I am remembering it is all about each of us. (Definitely not just all about me!!

I would love to know about your experiences or questions. If you would like to share, please email me:

“We are feeling creatures that think, versus thinking creatures that feel.” – Jill Bolte Taylor

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