First incident: I had a health scare and went through several doctor’s appointments and lots of blood draws in June. I think I filled over 20 test tubes with my blood! The doctor’s last phone call this week was good news (no disease) and we move on. Except… I felt a deep sadness both before the results were shared and after. Uhmmm, what was that sadness about?

Second incident: I decided that no matter what the diagnosis, this was a call to take better care of myself by balancing my life and work. I dropped a course I had just begun and requested that my monthly payments be stopped. To my surprise, I was told that I would still have to pay for the entire course and could come back next year and take the course if I so desired. I was a little bit angry, but mainly the sadness came again because I know the course instructor personally, had supported her in several ways, and, mainly because her policy goes against my values and my business policies. (I always offer a 100% refund for any reason for any course I offer and I certainly would honor a request due to a person’s need to take care of her health.) Again, what was this sadness about?

Karla McLaren suggests questions to ask when we feel certain emotions. The ones for sadness are: What must be released? And What must be rejuvenated? She writes that sadness grounds us if we take the time to explore both of them.

I am in the process of exploring both of the questions… so please know this is a work in progress…

What do I desire to release? | What do I desire to rejuvenate?

Putting work before self-care (I feel that I contributed to my warning
signs of a possible health crisis by not taking enough care of myself)

Balance in self-care and work… creativity, exercise,
relaxation along with the passion I have for my work

Expecting others to hold my values & feeling “wronged”
or “wrong” when they have different values

Setting boundaries by expressing what comes up for me
when the other holds different values; having a conversation
vs. feeling hurt or attacked or violated; so listening
to others and speaking to be understood

Being a strong woman all the time
(not making a specific request for support from others)

Speaking my truth (words that have meaning for me from
my Vision Quest… they changed my life to the blessed life I have now)

Saying “yes” when I mean “no”

Again, living my “truth”

Being too flexible in requests from others;
making my life crazy with those “yes, of course” promises

Living each day to the fullest for the sake of
serving myself as well as others

Wow! I have found the brilliance in my sadness by sitting with these 2 questions. As Karla writes in the book, sadness is about letting go and is always followed by joy (over time). I’m just beginning to see the light in how I live my life from here. I have my health, for now, and I literally just received an email expressing that I was heard and will not be charged for the rest of the course.